Insecurinomia – Part One of a Pseudo-Intellectual Poorly Researched Examination into the Pathology of Transsexuals…
Transsexuals are a very insecure lot. There, see… this article is already full of facts!
I recently was shown an article that detailed the narcissistic nature of homosexuals and transsexuals. While I found the article mostly to be rife with spurious assumptions and ridiculous notions, there were a few things of interest in it
I’ve always noted the overly narcissistic nature of transsexuals, myself included. I’ve sat and listened to them whine “Me! Me! Me!†like they were the most important topic on the face of the planet. And really how can that be avoided. Any trans person has to go through an incredible amount of introspection and self examination before they can figure out who they are. Their core identity literally becomes a single minded obsession, and definitely not by choice. Many struggling trans people reach a point where they scream into the heavens “for fucks sake, just give me one day where I don’t have to think about it anymore.†It becomes a maddening torment that feels anything but self-imposed. So once you come out of that with newfound knowledge of who you are, does that concentrated self analysis fade away to a more extroverted personality? Very rarely. The result is a community of people who sometimes it seems all want to be the one that get lavished with attention.
There’s another element of this narcissism that has recently come to light for me during recent events. There is a real tendency, especially in the online community, but as a whole for transgendered people to use their gender identity and status as a discriminated class as a crutch to elevate their other issues. Many trans people find themselves latched onto some very strange fantasy ideas and fetish communities in their effort to explore their identity. The end result is people who will defend their “hobbies†to the death as a core part of who they are and demand mass social acceptance for them.
People being led around on leashes in public with their hands bound and saying “Yes Mistress†constantly who assert that to tell them to not be submissive is like telling them not to be trans. People who claim to be infantile preteen children and will debate until the end of time how it is a legitimate identity that must be accepted just like their gender identity. (I’m not kidding.) And no, you are not supposed to be a child in an adult body. That’s a mental issue you need to be seeking therapy for, it is not an identity. You were a child once, but it’s over now, let it go! And while we’re on the topic, let’s talk about furries. You were not meant to be born as a humanoid half fox, half cat. No one has the genetic makeup for interspecies DNA. Your mother was human, your father was human. You’re human! Even if your dad fucked a horse, it would still never result in a furry. Being furry is not an identity that you need to fight for to have social acceptance. You know why? Cause it’s a fetish, plain and simple. Sexual or no, it’s a fetish.
The even greater damage that gets done here is that transgenderism already gets viewed way too much as something sexual or fetishistic. Having BDSM neko trans girls hanging around only help to perpetuate that stereotype and work against creating a proactive atmosphere for trans people everywhere. Some of us are trying to reverse negative stereotypes and get laws and rights passed for all of us to make the world a better place for all transgendered people.
So just because you’re adamant that all these messed up hobbies of yours (and I’m not judging, I have my own messed up hobbies) are an intrinsic part of your identity, every bit as much as your gender really doesn’t make it so. To be painfully blunt (and why stop now), this is merely a roleplaying fantasy that you’ve taken to extreme levels and tried to secure a thinly built connection in attempts to bootstrap it into legitimacy. ie. You are delusional and either need a reality check or a councilor. I know I’m being extremely judgmental and it’s okay. People who indulge in this sort of activity need a slap in the face to get some perspective. I’m not saying don’t have your messed up hobbies. I’m sure it’s fun. But don’t expect me or the rest of society to accept you as anything other than a comical farce if you try and take those hobbies into public. There’s a time and a place.
To do anything, to subject people to your fetishes who don’t want to be, is downright rude, ignorant, and very narcissistic.
Ashley
You know, the more i read your journal the more i realized how warped your sense of reality is. By alienating so many subcultures you are doing more harm to the Trans community, Stop speaking for all of us here because you do not stand for what you believe.
~ Me
P.S. I love it how you ban BDSM but now have your own little pet sitting on your lap in the TRC… How cute! Hypocrite! And since we are on the subject of Hypocrite I love how you call polyamory as bad as cheating and then you go and cheat with someone…
Ashley: I am not speaking for anyone but myself. In case you hadn’t noticed the website is ashleylynch.com. These are my personal opinions and mine alone. If you take issue with them, fine. Please do. And debate them on a level that attempts to enlighten the subject (one that no one ever talks about) so that we can all gain further understanding. I don’t pretend to have all the answers or be purveyor of all things right and just. I only offer my observations and conjecture on the matter.
In regards to the accusations, which of us is perfect? I could debate semantics, but the only elements of my personal life that you are entitled to are the parts that I allow.
Also I hope readers won’t confuse this anonymous comment with those of Me Adzebills, a completely different person.
I have my own issues on BDSM stuff, and broadly speaking I am not a fan. On this issue, I just leave people to get on with that theirselves. The Transgender Resource Centre recently drew a line on people being in slave poses, on leashes, doing the yes master/mistress thing in the TRC. That makes sense in the centre, as it is something that is threatening or offputting to others, and should be put to one side when people are in the support environment.
On the child avatar thing, again it made sense to ask people to not use a child avatar in the centre. That was because people could be talking about adult matters, including sexual relationships, and someone in full child roleplay is not really appropriate at that time.
Other than my personal distaste for dom/sub stuff, I think that people can do what they like in SL and RL, but should keep it out of support venues, and perhaps other places. The same goes for kid avatars, but I don’t have any objection to child roleplay, particularly in child orientated places. I used a child AV for a short while when I first joined SL, because I thought that it would stop guys hitting on me and because I am a big kid and I like being silly. No harm in that, and for me I don’t want to go into full roleplay. However, I don’t really have a problem with those that do. If they have issues from their childhood and find that roleplay theraputic, then good luck to them.
As for furries, people dress up in a fantasy creature suit, and it’s not really all that different from Mr or Mrs Couldn’t-Run-A-Mile being a guy with huge muscles or a woman being a leggy slender blonde. That’s fantasy and it doesn’t do any harm. In settings like the TRC, I don’t think that it’s disruptive, and I don’t have a problem with that. Lots of people spend hours playing violent video games, and I’ve even seen someone spend hours team-killing their colleagues for the kick of it. That’s a whole lot less constructive than somebody being a furry and socialising with other people on SL.
For me, I’m fundamentally a libertarian, but there always has to be a line drawn as to where some things are appropriate.
Analise
I hope you’ll rethink this post, Ashley.
You, in your “I’m not judging – wait – I know I’m being very judgemental” way, seem to be saying that anyone who has a social difference from “normal” – whether it be BDSM, Furry, or some other category you call a “Fetish”, DAMAGE “True Trans” folk and reduce their credibility. You then go on to further judge them, their tastes, and their needs, and try to shove them back into the closet. For shame.
What does this perspective say about your other Transgendered-but-not-Transsexual brothers and sisters? Is a crossdresser / transvestite “Just a pervert and needs counseling”? What about the large percentage of TG (including yes TS) folks that I know for whom BDSM is a significant part of their real, everyday lives?
Just because someone’s tastes aren’t in line with yours, doesn’t give you the right to condemn them and call them “a comical farce if you try and take those hobbies into public.” Have you been to pride festivities in Vancouver yet? Do you know how much of the Van GLBT community is out and supportive of BDSM *in public* and how much hard work that has taken? Look up the Leather Pride flag – the one that yes I wear too – and what it really means. Go actually *meet* and talk to your Trans pride leaders in Vancouver- you’ll find them a *PUMPJACK*, yes the Leather bar. Then I’ll welcome you to come visit down in SF – come to the Folsom Street Fair and see the community that you’re condemning here being Safe Sane and Consensual. You need to learn more about the groups before pouring on the Hate.
“There’s a time and place”, indeed. The time is now, and the place is *in the public eye* to raise awareness so everyone can be more understanding and accepting and supportive of *ALL* the real people around us – *particularly* in the GLBT community where we’re so fragmented already. Posts like this do nothing to bring us together, but continue to alienate.
This is exactly the type of mentality that kept the T out of GLB pride for so many years – us “freaks” continue to somehow reduce the credibility of “Gay Rights”. That’s why we’re still excluded from Hate Crimes legislation. That’s why a non-inclusive EDNA bill passed.
So, yeah, if you can’t tell from my tone, I’m kinda upset about this one. But I love you too, Ashley.
*hug* you just need to be nicer and less judgemental of the rest of us.
well, ashley, i can see your point.
but the same argument could be made for homosexuality and transsexuality. they’re fine long as you keep them hidden and dont show them off in public.
i mean, i think bsdm is bad – you shouldnt hurt yourself and you should be independent.
but i’m more fuzzy on other issues. doing anything with real children is wrong! but what two adults do if no one is hurt… even if one is acting like a kid. it sickens me, but…
this is a difficult, and i’m not sure of the answers. but i feel kind of wrong writing off the kinky types.
Just one question: is this post really helpful to any of us?
Ashley, please seek help, this post reads like someone who is on the edge of a complete breakdown. Certainly someone proclaiming themselves as a professional writer should not be producing such venom. The help does not have to be professional, just talk to someone, anyone. Before it is too late.
Ash: do you even *realize* how many people are being hurt by your statements and actions? Everyone else has moved on but you insist on keeping the drama going and not letting the rest of us forget about things. Are you that insecure in your needs?
Oh, and FYI, it is *very* rare for anyone playing a child in SL to do so for sexual reasons. It usually is about self-healing or reliving a childhood.
I agree with Analise and Cala 100% on this. When you and I or any other volunteer speaks on this issue it will affect how the TRC is perceived. I have absolutely no issue with any fetish or lifestyle choice whatsoever so long as it is not forced on me to participate and within the TRC our code of conduct, designed to insure people feel safe enough to cross our threshold and understand that we aren’t about any particular fetish ourselves, is respected. In my view we are 100% tolerant of every fetish of lifestyle choice you can express in SL. (Well, legally anyway.) That said, you absolutely have a right to your personal opinion but PLEASE make sure in the future you indicate as clearly as you can that these are only your personal opinions. It might be nice for Obama or Hilary to say such-and-such is only my personal opinion but in reality with a position such as theirs, and yours within the limited confines of the TRC, comes a greater than usual responsibility to be tolerant and diplomatic. I know you can do it as I’ve seen you do it and I have faith in you. I know that in my absence you’ve born a very unfair burden and taken heat from various quarters. I created the vacuum in which this could happen because of RL issues and I sincerely apologize. That said, please rise above this for the sake of our community and, if you can muster it, even apologize if you can. The danger is that your comments could be read as why we have the policy we have and, at least for me, that is clearly not the case. Big hugs because I know this is even more personal pressure on you but the fact is we all make mistakes and I think this is one of them. The key to assessing someone character isn’t whether they make mistakes because we all do…it’s human. The measure of the human is in how they deal with the aftermath of a mistake. Do they learn from it, make up for it, and grow or something less constructive. Regardless, I know you have a good heart. With much love, Jani
Yes, everyone, please don’t take Ashley’s comments in any way as coming from the TRC. As she mentioned in a response to one of the comments, these are her opinions.
I fully support the Code of Conduct that is in effect at the TRC, even though I have no problem with kids, BDSM, or furries (not in any combination though)… I love kids and animals, and I’m not going to comment personally on BDSM ;-P.
The reasons for asking BDSM community members to “leave their lifestyle” at the door, and for child avs to temporarily take on an adult persona are very valid in my opinion. If someone can’t deal with that, ok, I’m sorry, but life isn’t always fair. We have to take everyone’s feelings into consideration. It’s just that simple. We have to give and take, make sacrifices, or come to a solution that works for everyone involved.
What else can I say.
I hope this issue can be put to bed (no pun intended) soon, cause it’s really hurting a lot of people on both sides.
Just my two cents,
-Aaron
And ah the politics of segregation and I’m better than you continue on.
One of the largest issues facing the transgender community is the one of freedom of expression. Freedom of expression is such that it is not true freedom unless you are Free at all time and all places to do so. Especially those places which establish themselves as places for such freedom.
The biggest thing I fight against daily is the stereotypes which have been labeled onto TGs… Especially those of ‘perversion’ ‘pedophilia’ and similar dark fetishes. I have my kinks, but they are that, kinks, I typically keep them to myself, however in a fantasy world why such a restricted atmosphere? The best thing about SecondLife is the ability to be anything, and do anything… we have the real world for all the restrictions and ‘time and place’ appropriate behavior restrictions… why be so adamant to extend these restrictions to a virtual environment where expression is the cornerstone of the world?
Maybe people need to play out their fetishes in a ’safe’ ‘non-real’ ‘virtual’ world where judgment can be suspended because of the world? Maybe it’s a way to explore something they don’t want to explore IRL because of the risk factors? Granted… I do know for the most part I don’t associate with the TG communities I’ve found both IRL and SL because of the petty behavior of what I like to refer to as the “Benjamin TSs” with their elitist view of “What it REALLY MEANS to be TS/TG”….
Remember, you don’t have the monopoly on what TS Identity is… and I find exclusiveness such as yours to be rather repugnant.
Why do you have no tollerance? Why do you discriminate against people who are different from you? Why are you filled with such hatred? Have you know creativity? Have you no imagination? have you no flair?
People are people… and you … of all people should accept this and embrace all sorts. We are what we are. Some are fat, some are thin, some are in wheel chairs, some are male some are female, some are both, some are just damn ugly. All of the above can be trapped in the wrong body. All of the above might like to know what its like to be someone else.
Does it matter that Second Life … which is not even REAL LIFE has furry avatars in it? and people dressed in leather? or people with fetishes? or people who like to be submissive? or people that have child avatars OR people who would like to be a different gender? Does it REALLY matter??
You seem to be suggesting that it “looks” bad for trans folk to be kinky. You dont have to be transgender to have a sexual fetish. Or be kinky, or into dom/sub life, or want to whip people!!! …. you just have to be human and curious.
I am a woman. I was born female. I have friends who are black, friends who are disabled, friends who are transgender, friends who play a game called Second Life, friends who like to dominate, friends who like to submit, friends who just like to experience things there that they cannot experience in real life because of people like you.
It seems wherever you go in life there is always someone who thinks they are better than you …. even when they are not. I spend most of my time in second life on my own, decorating my house – because in RL I dont have a house. I fantasize about having a house! Second Life is a place where I choose to go in the hope of not being judged or bullied. Where I can have whatever body I want, whatever friends I want, whatever life I want. It’s where I go to be ME.
I have a male avatar, I have a furry avatar, I have a sexy female avatar who is curious about all things and likes to try new things. NON of these things have anything to do with being transgender…… because Im not. SO why do you think these things make Transgender people look bad?? THEY DONT… just your attitude is making YOU look bad. Gender is nothing to do with it. Its about people, and choices and life.
This is not even a REAL LIFE discrimination!! you are rejecting people because of what their avatars choose to look like! Or what hobbies their avatars choose to partake in!!!!
Do you reject real people because of what they look like?
HOW SHALLOW ARE YOU?? Can you see how very silly you are????? Please…. get a life. Stop judging people. Try to accept everyone for what they are… if personalities clash … then go and play with someone else.
Okay, not to start something up again but I think folks are being a bit harsh on Ashley here.
Frankly if people fought half as hard for what is actually right as they do for stupid labels, the world would be a better place. Furries (sp?), VOR, Hen-Tai, and the whole gamut of extra-curricular activites people engage in are fine, wonderful even as long as no-one gets hurt, and even that’s not written in stone. Within certain reasonable limitations of scope, even hurting each other is a wonderful thing. But reality check here people, it’s an activity not, I say again for the dim folks spouting all kinds of narish, NOT an identity.
Frankly even actual, real, left the old life behind, transsexualism is NOT an identity. The moment it is you’ve utterly failed transition and are not the gender you always knew yourself to be. Allow people to start calling you a tranny or transwoman or any such other foolishness you’ve won the comsic booby prize in the gender category.
Yes, without question there are people for whom dressing and the like is a nice hobby. Heck, there are even people for who life is one gender and work the other. Great, spiffy, wonderful, congratulations on living a life that works for you. Are you a gender other than what your documentation and financial life says? Sadly no.
For people who argure they can be women 128 or whatever other silliness there is a call waiting for you on line one: It’s your bank, they said your reality check bounced…
I’m not trying to be harsh, but for the moment it’s okay to live somewhere in the middle, but it is for the most part a binary world, and you have to pick one. If your paperwork says M for work, banking and everything else, and you’re not interested in fixing that, then that’s what your stuck with.
There is a certain investment in ourselves, our lives that those of us who need to cross the divide once and for all make that everyone else cannot really begin to understand. We ARE women (or men) as the case may be, and anything short of a point where inside and out we are a single unified being is just not making it. Don’t let people try to shove you into the OTHER category with the hobby group and people who have a choice.
I’m sorry but the moment you put on a costume, assume a role, or do something out of the “norm” with the knowledge you can and will take it off when you’re done, that makes it a hobby. If you spend more money on ball gowns and caked on makeup than HRT and/or surgery, then it’s still a choice. If the though of “cutting it off,” as one friend of mine put it before he caught a clue, fills you with fear, dread and revulsion, then you’re still more likely than not someone with a hobby.
Hobbies are good, fun, and a great way to get away from life. Even if it is something as simple as getting out of the house with a GPS and geocaching, it’s wonderful. Geocaching is all the fun of the military or stuff like it: “Travel, see new and exotic places and people…” Without the “And kill them” part. I’m a geocacher, and I love it. But I’m not going to go claiming it as an identity or marking on political office lobbying for special rights.
So cut Ashley a break. She’s a good girl and has a good head on her shoulders. Get to know her, walk a mile in her shoes, and then MAYBE you can take her to task for something she may have said. Until then, LIGHTEN UP!
Samantha, presumably you are backing up Ashley becuase you think that she is a CD-hating TS. like you. Whatever the demerits of this post (from which Ashley has distanced herself), she was never being anti-CD, as that would be cause for her to be run out of the TRC. You are anti even those who do not go for SRS, so you have had it done/are intending to get it done. Bully for you, now take your I am transer than thou attitude off to a blog where you will be appreciated. I doubt very much knowing Ashley well, she she will appreciate your “support”.
Ashley: While I personally despise this topic being resurrected, I was at odds with whether or not I should delete Mercia’s comment. It has nothing to do with if I agree with it, but it feels like it only further enflames the situation and also it comes off as if Mercia is attempting to speak for me, which I never appreciate from anyone.
I don’t think Samantha’s comment above was anti-CD. There’s this illusion in the community that to take hormones and get surgery is the next step of the truly committed crossdressers. Following that logic, there’s many TS people who view CDs as posers, or people who can’t shit or get off the pot. I’ve come to learn this is erroneous on every level. While many transsexuals start off doing some crossdressing, at their heart, CDs and TSs are so intrinsically different that they bear no similarity other than the fact that they are both bending and violating conventional gender rules.
Samantha’s comment about how CDs can take off their disguise is an accurate one. Most of the CDs I know enjoy wearing female clothes and adopting a female identity, but have absolutely no desire to not be male. That’s the key part is that at their core, they identify as male. Because of that right there, CDs are never going to be able to fully identify with my internal struggles nor can I identify with theirs. As well, after you’ve been fulltime for awhile, there is that feeling that CDs just won’t experience a lot of the more negative things that some of us have to endure. Ashley doesn’t come off because I need to take my car into the shop and I know the mechanic is a biggot. Ashley doesn’t come off because I’m going to be downtown at night and don’t want to be raped. It’s just a very different reality that I deal with.
And that’s okay, it’s not better, not worse, just different.
This is a great post that helped me to understand and think about things more. So here are my thoughts.
With transgender issues there is so much to learn and deal with, on a general level, that it’s confusing and distracting for anything that’s not inherent to those issues to be involved. So I liked how you explained that people might get into certain things to help them understand themselves, but that those things have nothing to do with transgenderism. There are many people who need help with transgender issues who do not identify with any of that other stuff at all, and sometimes it seems like no fellow transgender would accept them because they’re not into one thing or another. I can understand how people could find derision in your statements, but at the same time it does a lot to make the point that those other things really are separate issues. There is a difference between being transgendered and the things that people sometimes do to express or deal with being transgendered. I get the impression that most people actually agree that sticking to the general issues of transgenderism would help a lot more people.