The Angry eBay Guy
We all know that the world can be an unstable place, but every once in awhile, we get to meet someone who reminds us just how unstable it can be.
I recently bid on a few items over eBay that were super cheap. Some of them I won, others I didn’t. But all the auctions closed on November 19th, the same day a friend and I were set to go up to their parent’s cabin in Wisconsin for a few days. As luck would have it, no internet was available at the cabin or the surrounding rural area. Paying for the items would just have to wait until the 21st or 22nd when we returned home.
On November 20th, we sat in a Burger King having lunch and I discovered a wi-fi connection I could hook into. Taking the opportunity to check my mail real quick, I decided it prudent to send the seller of the auctions a quick email:
Dear lymond6,
I am vacationing for a few days and don’t currently have ready internet access. I’ll send you PayPal payment for everything ASAP once I return.
Ashley
I thought it was rather polite of me to give him the heads up, just so he didn’t start worrying. I could also point out that I have a nearly 200 feedback rating on eBay, and as I am not a power seller, it proves that I am pretty reliable.
It was right after that I lost internet and we continued on our way. As it turned out, Wisconsin sucks. It was cold, wet and dreary. The cabin was full of dead flies, the water smelled of sulfur and the people reminded me of the long time locals in Pender Harbour. No one was having a good time. So we ultimately made the decision to pack up early and head back to Chicago. That night, I set up my laptop and went to go pay for the auctions earlier than anticipated, figuring the seller would be pleased.
But I arrived home to this:
2:21pm
no, actually. my auction stated a three day deadline. if that passes before you pay, the auction is legally a null and void contract, per both federal and state law, and eBay rules. I will relist it 3 days from the end time of the auction if you fail to pay. I’m sorry, but I cannot afford to make exceptions.
Your choice, pay within the deadline, or the auction is void. I can void it immediately at your request, and relist it today, should you refuse to pay.
I guess I missed that federal eBay law that they passed. This guy seems more than a little aggitated. Perhaps he had a bad morning. Someone switched his Splenda for Equal.
But there was also this:
2:37pmÂ
since you say here you won’t pay in time, I can legally cancel now. I’m going to give you a deadline. either pay me by 3:00 PM CENTRAL STANDARD TIME TODAY, or I”m canceling and relisting.
You have of course been blocked from ever bidding on any of our auctions in future. Learn manners.
And learn to read.
You have about 85 minutes to reply.
Now take a look. A whole 16 minutes had passed since his last email. It obviously really ate at this guy sitting there thinking about it and the panic of potentially losing $9.00 for 3 articles of clothing became to great to bear.
Now, let’s fast forward into the future. 9 minutes into the future to be exact:
2:46pmÂ
in case your “limited” internet access means you can see the web but not your email for some odd reason, be advised that as of 3:00 central standard time today, your auctions will be null and void should you fail to pay.
i am not joking, i do not like people who bid and then change my STATED terms. get a life, if you can’t meet the terms, do not bid, you selfish, acquisitive, solipsistic, sociopathic american.
Wow. This guy is obviously wound up way too tight for living. I haven’t had a slew of insults hurled at me since I last talked to my ex-wife. Though I must admit, I had to look up “solipsistic.” That was a new one on me. I wonder if it would have changed his rant any to find out that I’m Canadian.
3:48pmÂ
in fifteen minutes, I cancel your auctions, and relist them. if you attempt to pay, I will refuse it. if you sneak a payment in, I will refund it ONCE. if you do it a second time, I will presume you want it to go to my favourite charities (left wing causes), and you will have been warned. so if you don’t pay by three today, which is less than fifteen minutes from now, don’t bother to pay, it won’t be accepted.
Keep in mind, as he was sending these emails, I wasn’t receiving a single one, because I was travelling across Wisconsin and Illinois. I’ll also point out that this is barely 24 hours since the auctions first closed. I totally get wanting the money within 3 days. Deadbeat bidders suck. I’ve had it happen to me and it blows. I had every intention of paying this guy as quick as I could.
I really started to wonder, does this guy have a string of people who upon his refusal to sell items to still demand to send money? They just keep sending money in hopes that it will appease him like some angry God or serve the equivalent of much needed anti-psychotic medication? The other thing that struck me was it seems into intonate that I should feel a little insulted by the fact that it would be “left wing” causes my mispent payment would be forwarded to. Oh the horror???
Upon returning home and finding all this drama unfolding in my absence. I decided I should send this angry guy an email thanking him for his contribution to the eBay community:
11:31pm
Wow,
I wanted to give you a heads up that it may take me a day or two
because I was in Wisconsin with no readily available. Â But here I am
back early and arrive home to this. Â Considering that these auctions
closed yesterday, your reaction is a little more than irrational.
Either way, I’m actually thankful it turned out this way because I
obviously don’t want to do business with you.
As well you should know if you attempt to leave improper negative
feedback I will do the same and post a link to our email exchanges
online.
Ashley
And true to my word dear readers… here it is. I figured I’d probably never hear from the Angry eBay Guy again. But a mere 4 minutes later:
11:35pm
go for it, arsehole. I will leave PROPER negative feedback, since YOU
stated an intention to violate contract law.
MORON AMERICAN FASCIST MERCANTILE PIG
future mail from you will be put in /dev/null. that means the trash can,
to computer illiterate prats and proles.
You are a Daisy Buchanan type, you think the world exists only in the
wake of your careless destruction, rather than in a multi ordinal
manner. Go to hell.
and, not even a full minute later:
11:35pm
eads up YOUR ARSE> YOU DO NOT GET TO DECIDE THAT MY TERMS DON”T MATTER<
ON YOUR WHIM< YOU SOLIPSIST
sol·ip·sism  
 
  [sol-ip-siz-uhm] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
| 1. | Philosophy. the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist. |
| 2. | extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one’s feelings, desires, etc.; |
So, now that we’ve established that this is clearly the angriest guy on the face of the Earth. Maybe it was the fact that I let him know that I was in Wisconsin, but for some reason, he came to the conclusion that I was some hard core right wing American imperialist. I could let him know that I’m really a liberal Canadian, but I doubt he would listen. Besides, it’s more fun watching him dig his own hole. I can only imagine if he actually clicked the link at the bottom of my email and found my transgender blog. I’m guessed I’d end up being called something that starts with “f” and ends with “t” and rhymes is “haggot.”
Mostly I felt sad for this man. He either a) was unloved as a child b) suffers from an illness or c) was sexually abused in an incident at a Republican National Convention party in the 80s. Either way, I decided he just needed some more love in his life. So I sent him an e-card which you can read here:
http://www.123greetings.com/view/7HR21120205236892
For those who don’t want to read it, or if the card has been removed, it says:
Ashley
Isn’t that sweet? I immediately received back a reply:
11:54pmÂ
surely you do not suppose I would waste my time looking at this? You are
more mentally ill than I dared to dream.
Goodbye forever, childe. I hope you graduate grade 7, they say it’s best
the sixth time round (and I hear you get around)
for the last time ever,
your heart
I take it back. This guy isn’t just angry, he is the master! He managed to remark on my educational status and sexual promiscuity in one sentence! Teach me sensei! Let me learn your bitter ways so that I may go forth upon the Earth and extoll said bitterness.
I doubt at this point I’ll hear much more from Angry eBay Guy for awhile. If anyone wants to get in contact with him, they can feel free to purchase something cheap from him as “lymond6″ on ebay where in his communications he goes to the effort of listing the name of his wife, home address, two telephone numbers and 3 email addresses… just in case. So while I could print all that here for you, that wouldn’t be very sporting. But I’m pretty sure my new new friend Steve Sawolkin in West Des Moines, Iowa hasn’t heard the last from me.
He still needs lots of love. 
Ashley
Wow. You couldn’t make this stuff up. It’s a good thing he’s not really in the retail business, although I suppose he thinks he is. Apparently, he snoozed through the part in Running a Business 101 where it says, in a market economy, if you don’t know how to deal with customers, they can get their shit elsewhere.
Seems the level of invective was inversely proportional to the quality of writing, grammar, and spelling. This guy is a real winner. I have a feeling those left-wing causes would just as soon not have an asshole like this contributing to them.
Sure would be nice if somehow this burned Mr. Nice Guy.
Kinda makes one wish there was a way to send all that he sent you on this, in full, to eBay for them to decide what to do with him.
As for me, if I ever, ever look at eBay for things, I’ll consider him a no-bid seller. He obviously missed the point that you were trying to let him know that you’d get it as soon as you got proper internet access again, and when, and he decided that you weren’t going to pay up and were using it as an excuse.
That’s very cute, childe. The FACT is, an ebay auction constitutes a legal contract. IF you bid, you automatically are agreeing to the terms of the auction. MY terms state a deadline for payment. I am no more required to change my deadline for you than your local department store is required to open their doors at midnight, or your bank to stay open an hour later, merely to cater to YOUR schedule.
To believe otherwise is to demonstrate a mental immaturity bordering on solipsism or sociopathy, as you have done. Your one sided little diatribe here against me is a sparrow’s tears. The FACT is, you broke a legal contract because you are either too inconsiderate (Daisy Buchanan-like) or too stupid (Paris/Brittney/etc.-like) to care or understand, respectively, that a contract terms are not negotiable after the deal is made; if you were going to be away, you ought not have bid, or ought have contacted me FIRST to see if I would have granted you an “indulgence”.
I shall never respond to you or anyone about this matter again, it is abusrd. But you are in the legal wrong, and this is what utterly escapes you, likely due to your generational inability to understand the concepts of honour, responsibility, and one’s word having meaning. Rot in hell, yank.
Ashley: If you go back and count, I think this is the 3rd time he’s said he’ll not respond anymore. Sounds a little bit like commitment issues to me. And for some reason he’s still convinced that I’m an American. What an odd little man. But you heard him, to offer up payment might take a day or two to follow borders on sociopathy. And jaywalking is on par with child molestation. At least he used negative female role models to compare me to, that is at least worth something. This man is in such love with his abstract concept of absolute law, that I think it’s time he had a visit from Leonard J. Crabbs – attorney in law.
Two questions leap to mind.
1) Is solipsism the only big word he knows? He sure does use it a lot.
2) Maybe my math is wrong …. the closing date of the 19th plus his 3 day window for payment makes the 22nd. So why would he complain when you say on the 20th you will pay on the 21st or 22nd?
Ha! I just randomly saw your page from reading a common friend’s blog on Yahoo 360, and this was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! I’ve dealt with guys like that on eBay… ughhh….
I’m sure you spent your $9 on something better anyhow
Best Wishes
Dellie
Ashley,
If it is any consolation, Mr. Sawolkin has had a belligerent, acrimonious attitude toward the company I work at for over fifteen years. I have dozens and dozens of letters and e-mails from him using the same tone that you received. The humorous thing is he ordered items from us every month for all those years as he vented his spleen at our incompetence. His screeds to us were always one to two pages long, so he was being very succinct in his correspondence with you. He even accused our company of being driven by capitalism, heaven forbid(!)
When told that we weren’t some huge, faceless corporation, but a very small family run business he proceeded to heap scorn on “Breeders.” Thankfully, he doesn’t appear to have reproduced himself so his genetic legacy will be removed from the pool.
He ostensibly has renounced his American citizenship and become a Canadian while continuing to live in the US. His ego is truly the size of the universe and he brags about his IQ and feels that everyone is beneath him, but not beneath his contempt. Interestingly, he appears to be in a long term relationship with someone. A truly scary thought.
Reading the e-mail exchange that you had brought back so many “fond” memories. Hopefully you were able to take this all in stride.
Wow.
Dear Ashley,
Thank you so much for leaving this important information for all us viewers to read. I will forever avoid this so-called “seller”- what a horrible situation to have gone through. I also think you were more than fair, emailing him that heads-up.
I hope you have better luck in the future. Again, great going on posting this page.
Sincerely,
Christie
tortured wordlover lymond6 is a busy little bee…. http://www.barbelith.com/topic/28300
He strikes me as a very tightly strung child of privilege, one with a sense of entitlement a mile wide. I get the distinct impression he was called clever too often as a youth, and told he was an idiot not nearly enough. Perhaps an only child(e!), or one born later than his siblings, I think this is what children turn out like when their parents treat them as though they are little stars fallen from heaven.
For another thing, his constant use of Daisy Buchananananana belies an interesting idea of literature. His interpretation of that character is at the same time pedestrian and misconstrued; like a child(e!) might understand a complex theory after it had been described.
You know; know some of the words, have no understanding of their import. Curse this stunted intellect! Momma always told me I had such potential!
Seriously, though. I’d be surprised if this dude didn’t own a vampire booke or three.